His Way Out
by dulscar
Summary: He fell in love with someone he shouldn't and now life has become unbearable.  Will Justin risk it all for love or will he give it all up to keep her safe from himself.  T for language and mild violence. Jalex.


His Way Out

A/N: you may note that they seem a bit out of character... but after about five minutes I came to the decision I so often reach... I don't care. *shrugs*

Disclaimer: Like all the rest... Don't own WoWP, etc, yadda yadda yadda. Here we go...

He knew what he was feeling was wrong but he couldn't stop it. Couldn't stop this sickness that was slowly taking him over. He tried for years to push it back down, hide it away from the world, from himself, but especially from _her._

He had fought for years to try to do something, anything, to rid himself of this. He focused on school, wizardry, and other girls, _any _girl, to try to forget, stamp his feelings down, or ignore them all together... but nothing was working.

He never knew why it began, he couldn't fathom what made him begin to feel this way but it sickened him and he couldn't seem to shake these thoughts.

But while he didn't understand why it happened, he can clearly remember _when_ it all started.

They were alone in the jungle, surrounded by dense foliage, humidity hanging thick in the air, with nothing but a small fire to keep them warm. They were on a quest for the Stone of Dreams in a desperate attempt to save their family when he began to notice things... the kinds of things a big brother should never notice about his sister.

The softness of her full lips, the kindness, though well hidden, in her deep brown eyes, how her chocolate hair framed her beautiful face and the subtle curves of her still developing body. That's when his world began to crumble around him. He tried to brush it off at first, chalking it up to the severity of the situation they found themselves in. But when he found himself being sucked away by the vortex of non-existence, his last sight was of this beautiful girl, eyes filled with hurt and dispair, pleading to anyone who would listen, to not take him away from her. Her words, _I tease you, and I taunt you, and I make your life miserable, but you love me anyway..., _ echo in his mind. He knows then that he is in love with her. But it is not wrong in his mind, not yet; he doesn't know her, doesn't know himself... yet.

It's not until he reappears back into his life that his memory returns and her desperate words reenter his mind. "But you love me anyway." He knew it was true... He loved her... as a sister, but there was something else from deep inside him snaking its way to the foreground and he was afraid. Afraid of himself, afraid of life, and afraid of what this feeling meant for his future... He loved her as more than just a sister, and that terrified him. He knew it could never be and that cut him deeply. His heart ached but there was nothing he could do.

He tried to spend less and less time around her but that wasn't possible. They lived under the same roof and anything out of the ordinary on his part would've raised suspicions that could possibly give him away. He tried dating, tried to convince himself that he loved these girls, told them he loved them, but it always sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Nothing worked. So he played his part as best he could; the part of the dutiful older brother, trying to keep his little sister safe while dying a little inside.

He tried for two years to be around her less, to ignore these immoral feelings but, with her, it was impossible. She kept getting herself into trouble she had no idea how to get out of herself. She'd come to him for help, and he'd have to act annoyed and frustrated at having to get his kid sister out of yet another jam. But on the inside, he was thrilled. Thrilled to be in her hypnotic presence, even though he knew how much it would hurt when she left without so much as a "thank you" most of the time. But he trudged on. There was nothing else he could do.

He was glad to see that she still trusted him to help her and that's what hurt the most. Trust. Trust is a funny thing, once broken, once betrayed, it's nearly impossible to regain. And he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't betray her trust. He couldn't risk losing her. He dreaded the look in her eyes if she ever found out... and that was something he'd never risk... he couldn't. He needed a new plan, a last ditch effort to keep from doing something both of them would regret.

Avoidance.

The problem Justin had was that, with a sister like Alex, this would be next to impossible. But somehow he managed. For two months he dedicated himself to finding a "cure" to this disease. He scoured nearly every book in his family's lair during the day, while Alex was at school, looking for a spell, a potion, anything that could fix him. When she would come home, he would walk through their portal, and search the wizard world's extensive libraries, coming home late when he knew her to be asleep. It was working, at first, because they all knew he was the one who was the nerd, the geek, the one most likey to spend his free time buried in books.

Two months... and it happened. He was tired of being in the lair so he decided to take the book of forbidden spells up to his room, thinking a change of venue would help his search. He was pacing back and forth, with the spell book in his left hand, frantically flipping the pages with his right, searching for a spell to help when his door slammed open. He flinched at the sudden racket and his eyes darted in the direction of the offending noise and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her... She cut class... In hind sight, he should have thought of this.

Alex stood in his door way, eyeing him furiously, hands on her hips. She took one step forward, grabbed his door, now rebounding off of his wall, and slammed it shut. She whirled around and crossed her arms before shouting at him, "What the hell is your problem, Justin?"

He didn't look at her... he couldn't. His eyes quickly returned to his book. "What are you talking about, Alex? I don't have a problem" he said flatly.

"Really? Then why have you been avoiding me?" she fumed. She took several angry strides closer to him "LOOK AT ME!"

He reluctantly met her gaze and saw the confusion, rage, and hurt in her eyes. His heart sank as guilt began to wash over him. He hadn't expected this to happen, he hadn't intended to hurt her. He'd always been so cautious, so careful, he tried to plan out and predict every variable, but he had missed one, a big one... his sister's feelings.

She looked into her brother's eyes and all she saw was pain. She recognized that look and it made her suddenly sad. She hated seeing him like this, so upset and broken. "Justin?" she said softly "please."

"I'm fine, Alex." He was trying hard to stop the tears he could feel rising in his eyes, he wouldn't cry in front of her... he couldn't. "Now if you don't mind..." he said, motioning to his spell book, "I'm busy. So..." as he raised his hand towards the door. _Leave. _He left unsaid.

The problem with lying to someone who knows you better than you know yourself is that it never works. They always see right through you. He's not even sure why he tried, but he had to give it a shot.

Alex knew he was lying to her and Alex, being Alex, naturally ignored his request. The anger had left her face only to be replaced with concern for her big brother. Sure he was a geek, but he was always there for her, everytime she really needed him, and it hurt her see him upset, not that she'd ever admit that to anyone, so she did the only thing she could think of to calm him.

Slowly she moved towards him reaching out her hand to stroke his cheek only to have him jerk his head back like her fingers were on fire. And for him, they might as well have been. Every touch burned his skin that seemed to last hours, every lingering hug filled his heart with love but was just as suddenly emptied and replaced with longing and disappointment as she moved away.

He made the mistake of looking at her again only to be crushed by the pain and confusion he saw in her eyes. But he couldn't let that sway him. He knew where a sentimental sibling moment between the two would lead... hurt, disappointment, grief... and he didn't know if he'd be able to stop himself from expressing his feelings for his sister... pain, disgust, betrayal... "Stop it, Alex." he sighed "please, just leave."

She was fighting back her own tears now. He'd never pulled away from her before, never made her feel like this... she didn't know what to do. She needed to get through to him but she didn't know how. That was his job. He made her feel better when she was ill, happy when she was sad, protected and safe when she was scared, and she wanted to do the same for him, just to be there for him. She spoke softly, "Justin, please, just tell me what's going-" but was cut off.

"GET OUT!" He screamed. She jumped back, clearly startled, not bothering to stop her tears from flow freely. She stared at him, mouth agape, cheeks stained with the liquid flowing from her eyes. She couldn't believe he just exploded at her... he never did that, no matter how bad she had messed up. She was confused, in anguish, and terrified. She had never been scared of him before but the look in his eyes struck her. The pain she saw before was still there but she had never seen fiery anger in them she saw now.

She couldn't take it anymore. She sprinted out of his room and into her own, throwing herself down onto her bed, screaming and sobbing into her pillow. _What did I do? Why is he so angry with me? Why wouldn't he just talk to me. I don't understand. Justin, please, I still need you. Don't push me away, please. I love you and I don't want you to leave me here... alone... please. _

Her mind was racing, her heart was pounding, she didn't know what to do, feel, or believe, but she knew that the person who would always help her, wouldn't this time and she felt her heart breaking.

He couldn't believe what he's just done. It was so unlike him to do something like that, but he couldn't risk her getting close, couldn't risk her touch igniting something he'd never be able to take back.

He slammed the spell book shut and with all his might, hurling it into his wall. "God damn it! Why? Why is this happening to me?" he shouted at his reflection in the mirror. But he knew that _he _wouldn't have the answers either. He knew he should go apologize for yelling at her, for making her scared, but could he set his desire for her aside long enough to be her big brother?... He didn't know and he couldn't chance it.

Two more days passed. She didn't bother to come back, like he was certain she would, and try to get to the bottom of this... he was grateful for that... for the moment. He was still fuming at himself for snapping at her, he couldn't think straight because it was like there were two people inside of him: The caring brother who wanted nothing more than to hug her and say he's sorry and beg for forgiveness and the sick side of himself who wanted to hold her, kiss her... make her his. He was pacing back and forth in his room again, holding the spell book, frantically flipping through its pages, again, so caught up in his search, he didn't notice her in his doorway.

She stood there quietly, head down, nervously playing with the hem of her shirt trying to determine what she should say to make it better. She could hear her brother muttering to himself as he paced. She could hear the furious page turning of the dusty old book in his hands. And as the knots began to tighten in her stomach, she spoke, her voice small and innocent, "Justin, I'm sorry."

He froze when he heard her speak, unsure if he'd heard correctly. "What did she apologize to _me _for?" He thought to himself. He knew he had to suck it up and make this right, he knew it would be hard, but he _knew _he had to do it. He tried to speak, but guilt kept choking his words, "What? Why?"

"Justin, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you angry with me... I'm so, so, sorry." Her words were so timid, so child-like that he could literally feel his heart being crushed and when he finally found the strength to look at her it felt like that same crushed heart had been ripped out of his chest and thrown to the floor. Seeing her so weak, so timid, so vulnerable, sent a hurt through his body like no other. But when he saw the single silent tear slide down her cheek, he was broken, shattered into a thousand pieces by some unseen force.

"It's not you, Alex. You didn't do anything." She looked up at her older brother, meeting his eyes as she took a step forwrard and closed the door behind her. He looked the same has he did two days ago, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, his hair was disheveled, but the pain in his eyes was what struck her. "Then why did you yell at me? Do you know how much that hurt me?" she said with confusion in her voice and a look of pleading in her eyes.

He knew he had to tell her the truth... but not the whole truth... never the whole truth. "I know, Alex, I know. And I'm sorry for yelling at you. You know I didn't mean it, it's just that..." his voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words. "Its ok, Justin, just let me help you. Please." He nodded at her words and took a deep breath before continuing.

"It's just that... I've been dealing with, uh... stuff..." he nervously ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck "and I've been looking for a way to fix it" he said, pointing to the spell book he'd sat on his nightstand, "and I'm just frustrated that I haven't been able to yet." He had never been good at lying, it made him queasy and this was no exception, so when his legs felt weak, he moved to his bed and sat on the corner letting out a huff. "I just took it out on you I guess. I'm sorry, Alex." he said, suddenly finding the floor very interesting.

Alex didn't speak for a moment as she tried to analyze what he was saying. She knew he wasn't telling the truth, at least, not the whole truth but she also knew she was tired of feeling alone. She missed him. Not seeing him everyday, not talking to him everyday filled her with a longing she hadn't expected and she was sick of feeling this way. Sure she had the rest of her family but her father was so concerned with food, money, or accusing her of some misdeed, he was rarely there for her. Her mother was always too busy trying to convince everyone that she was Alex's sister she wasn't there either... and Max... he was always so lost in his own little world if was rarely of use to anyone. There was only him, only Justin. Her guardian, her protector, and as she saw it, the only person she truly couldn't live without.

She had a plan to get it out him so they could fix it together like they used to. She smirked at herself as she put the finishing touches on her "plan." She was going to do what she did best... piss him off. He would spill everything on his mind in the fog of anger, and she knew this... she just wasn't prepared for it last time she told herself.

Phase One: Silence the room...

Alex took her wand, turned towards his door and cast the silencing spell so the rest of her family couldn't hear the inevitable yelling that was on its way. Of course he noticed and asked with his usual condescending "What are you doing, Alex?" She replies with her usual noncommital shrug and a casual "Nothing." He knew something was fishy but decided to let it play out... for the moment.

Plase One - Complete.

Phase Two: Butter him up...

"Justin, just listen for a second, ok?" He nodded but still found his floor "too appealing" to look up at her. "I know you're upset but since you won't tell me, I just wanted to say that I'm here for you. You know that, right?" He nodded again. "You know that I love you, don't you?" She told him truthfully as she watched his body stiffen, _That's weird,_ she thought, but continued when he slowly nodded again. "Please, Justin, just look at me. You're making feel bad again." He sighed and slowly moved his eyes to hers and was met with by her smile which made him want to melt. He felt the tension ease a bit and she noticed as his body began to un-tense.

He gave her a weak smile as she continued, "I know I don't say if often, but, I do, Justin, I love you, I want you to be happy , and seeing you like this... it just makes me really upset." He could see the honesty in her eyes and knew what he had been doing has been selfish, a necesarry precaution, but selfish nonetheless. "I'm sorry, Alex. I never meant to-" He abruptly stopped when she moved at him, took his hand in hers and sat next to him. He couldn't help notice how close she was to him, shoulder to shoulder, arms touching, thigh against thigh. He desperately hoped that she couldn't hear his heart racing or the sudden claminess of his hands. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard before tensing up again, which she noticed. _That's weird, too. Oh well, probably nothing. Time to put the finishing touches on Phase Two._

"Justin, it's ok. I forgive you." He could feel his heart rate returning normal. _At least she forgives me... That's something I guess. But if she knew the real reason, she never would. _"I just want you to know how much I care about you and that I'll do _anything_ to help you, ok?" Alex smiled at her older brother as she cupped his cheek and turned his face to look at her. Her smile grew as he closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. "Thanks, Alex." He said softly. She knew she had him right where she wanted him... Phase Two complete.

Phase Three: Misdirect and Piss Him Off to the Point He Tells Me What's Wrong...

_I should've thought that name out a little more...eh, I'm in the middle of my plan here._

"You're welcome, Justin... Now..." she said, lightly tapping him on the cheek, "tell me what's going on." His eyes suddenly snapped open and jerked away from her nearly falling off of his bed. _No, no, no, this can't be happening. Is THAT what she wanted? I should have known she wouldn't let this go. Shit, what are my options... uh... Damn it, I can't think, I can't-"_

"Justin! I can't help you if you don't LET me" she said, getting up and standing in front of him, arms crossed. "Why don't you trust me, Justin? Do you care about me at all?"

"I'm sorry, Alex, but I can't..." his voice trailed off as his emotions started to get the better of him... "I just can't." The tears he'd been holding back wouldn't stay concealed any longer and began to flow from his eyes.

"Justin?" She said standing over him reaching out a hand to gently pet his hair. "Tell me."

"No, Alex. Not this time!" He hissed. Quickly, he stood up and shook her hand from his head. "Just go away."

She crossed her arms again, and stated firmly, "No, Justin, I'm not going to let you push me away again!"

"Leave!"

"NO!"

"GET OUT, ALEX!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"UGH, why do you have to be so stubborn!" His brow was furrowed, and his face was begining to flush with anger. He couldn't understand why she wouldn't just leave him alone...

"Pfft, why are you being such a jackass!" Alex said as she stepped forward and shoved him with both her hands. "I'm getting tired of this, Justin!"

"Don't fucking shove me, Alex" he growled at her through clenched teeth. His anger was building at an alarming rate and he could feel himself getting ready to snap. He was shocked, to say the least, when she stepped forard and shoved him again.

"FUCK YOU, JUSTIN! You're treating me like SHIT and I'm SICK of it!" she screamed at him, emotion now racking her body, causing her own tears to flow. She was surprised by her outburst. This wasn't part of her plan... she wasn't the one supposed to lose control...

Justin was beyond furious. He grabbed her roughly by her shoulder with his left hand and shoved her away from himself towards his bed. "I SAID DON'T PUSH ME!"

She was caught completely off guard by the roughness of his actions as she crashed on her side onto his bed. She quickly sat up rubbing her shoulder... _Shit, that hurt. I hope I can finish out the rest of phase three... That's a stupid thought... He'd never hurt me on purpose... Judging by that semi-crazed look in his eyes I'm not so sure... Too late to turn back now. _"What the hell, Justin?" she said, gently caressing her shoulder.

He covered his mouth with his hands, horrified at what he had done. His body was trembling, his knees were weak, he was openly sobbing now as he crashed to the floor. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", poured from his lips. How could he have let it get this far? What had she ever done? Nothing. "Please, Alex... I'm so..." He couldn't focus anymore as guilt coursed through his veins, couldn't form a coherent thought.

She didn't speak for a moment, giving him time to collect himself. She stood once again, crossed her arms over her chest once again, and resumed her defiant stance. Finally he began to get his breathing under control, taking in slow, deep breaths. With one final stress releaving breath he cautiously made his way back to his feet. "Alex, I'm sorry... But please just-"

"NO!" She screamed cutting him off , "I'm not leaving! Not until-"

"Enough, Alex! I've had enough, Get Out!"

"NO!"

"God Damn It! Can't you see I just want you OUT!"

"Too bad!" she threatened, as she reached into her knee high boot removing her wand. "If I have to use the truth spell on you I will..."

As she began to swirl the wand, he saw the tip begin to light up as she spoke... "Some are cruel-"

"FINE! You want to know?" This was it. The truth was going to come out one way or another... and he was about to lose his sister, the most important person in his life, possibly forever.

"What do think I'm doing in here, Justin? You think you're actually pleasant to be around right now?" She couldn't help the sarcasm that seethed through her words. She was getting tired of this game.

"Damn it, Alex, I said-" he could feel his rage building again as she cut him off.

"YES, Justin! Tell me what's-"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU" he shouted, "Is THAT what you wanted to hear? I fell in love with my little sister!" He turned away for her when he saw the look in her eyes... The look he'd been afraid of... the look of horror, disgust, betrayal... He knew their relationship was over as he leaned his hands on his desk trying to find the strength continue. "I didn't mean to, Alex, I swear... It just kind of..." His voice trailed off as the salty liquid fell from his eyes like rain drops on his hardwood desk.

She stood, frozen in shock, mouth agape at the admission she had just heard. She couldn't believe it. He was her brother, her older brother. The responsible one, the mature one, the one who always had all the answers, the one who _never _did the wrong thing... but this... could there be anything more wrong? It took all the courage she had to speak, to find the right words but she only found one... "Why?" she asked softly.

"I don't... know, Alex, I... don't... I wish I knew." he choked out between sobs.

After the initial shock had begun to wear off she was able to gather her thoughs a little more successfully. The longing in his eyes when he would look at her, the smiles he gave her when she entered the room, the hugs that lasted a little longer than sibling hugs should, the nearly constant touching, and the way they always stood so close to each other, seemingly leaning towards one another... it all made sense now.

As she looked back on all of these moments, she knew she should be repulsed, but she wasn't. She'd always enjoyed these moments that they shared together, she couldn't explain it, and that thought made her squrm a little on the inside.

To her, they were just sweet brother-sister moments (weren't they?), but there was something else there... something she couldn't explain... had she ever suspected?... had she always known but chose to ignore it? She didn't know, she couldn't be sure, and she'd never been more confused or scared in her entire life. She started to state the obvious, "But Justin, I'm your sis-" but was cut off.

"I know, Alex. Don't you think I know this?" He wiped his eyes as he turned around propping himself against his desk. "What do you think I've been doing for the past two months?" He crossed his arms in front of him and sighed heavily. When she didn't speak he chanced a glance at her. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open and he could tell she was in shock, frozen in place. "I've been looking for a spell or potion to make this go away... to make these _feelings _go away. I'm so sorry, Alex. I never meant for _any _of this to happen and I certainly didn't want you to find out." He couldn't take the look on her face anymore. He lowered his head as he rubbed his forehead with the fingers of his right hand.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing... she couldn't believe that her brother was in love with her. She shook her head furiously trying to focus her mind, trying to find something to say. "Is that why you've been avoiding me?" She asked tentatively. She watched as her older brother nodded his head wearily. "Why? I could've helped you, I could've-"

"I couldn't risk it, Alex." He shifted uncomfortably from his desk and sat himself into the wooden chair in front of it, angling himself away from her before continuing. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me? To be near you and not put my arms around you, to be so close and not kiss you, to..." _be with you and not make love to you, _he thought to himself.

He knew it was over, he knew everything would be different, how could it not be? He had let slip the biggest secret he'd ever had to the one person he'd hoped desperately to keep it from. He'd failed... as a brother, as a son... as a person and he secretly wished she would've snapped and killed him. At least then, the pain would end. But she didn't, and as he heard the soft click of his door closing, he knew he had lost her.

As she closed the door to her room, she lost control of her legs and slid down to the floor, sobbing into her hands... _Phase Three... fail._

Another two days passed...

He hasn't heard so much as a whisper from her, not that he expected to. He knew what this did to her. She was afraid to be near him, a prisoner in her own home, and he was disgusted with himself. He spent most of his time on the balcony outside his window, leaning against the protective barrier, trying to find the courage to throw himself over the railing but could never bring himself to do it. He knew somewhere that there was a spell to fix him and things could go back to normal. He was so caught up in his reverie he didn't notice his door open, didn't notice her enter and make her way to his window and barely heard her when she spoke. "Mom, wanted me to tell you that dinner's ready and she wants you to come down and eat with your family." She said flatly.

"Alex, I don't think that's-"

"Now, Justin!" There was something in her tone that told him he shouldn't argue so all he said was "Fine."

He knew this was a bad idea. What if they found out? He'd be banished from his home and shunned from his family forever. He slowly made his way downstairs unaware of how he looked... he didn't' care anymore. His family looked up at him coming down the stairs and noticed the dark circles around his eyes, the stubble on his face, and the emptiness in his once vibrant eyes. He didn't sit in his usual spot around the family dinner table opting instead to eat at the island in the kitchen.

Dinner was unusually quiet in the Russo household, their playful banter replaced by concerned glances at the oldest of the siblings as he idly pushed the food around his plate with his fork. They looked silently at each other as if to ask 'What's wrong with him?' Alex couldn't eat, she was too upset. She spent dinner staring at the sight of her oldest brother, noticing how broken he looked, with sadness in her eyes. Before the tears she'd been fighting back spilled over, her mother finally broke the silence.

"Justin, sweetie, what's the matter?" She asked, walking over to gently rub his back.

"Its just that..." he closed his eyes and sighed heavily "I'm fine, mom, I'm just... sick."

Alex couldn't take anymore. She let out a sob and quickly made her way to her room. The rest of the family looked questioningly at each other, confusion evident in their eyes. The knew something was going on but, thankfully, none of them voiced their concerns.

"I'm not that hungry, mom..." Justin said quietly, "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

Alex stayed in her room for the next few days racking her brain for something that would help Justin but nothing was coming to mind. She knew she loved him, (but just as a brother, right?), she knew that there wasn't anything she wouldn't do to help him, but a plan just wouldn't formulate, her head was too cloudy to focus. So she decided to do what she did best... wing it.

With her newest "plan" in mind, she sprung up off of her bed and made her way to her mirror. Quickly, she took a brush to her hair, untangling the knots of several restless nights. She reached into her purse, removing the strawberry lipgloss, and applied it carefully to her lips, smiling to herself as she finished with a satisfying smack. It wasn't until she was halfway through applying her eye-liner that she took stock of what she was actually doing... _What the hell am I thinking? Am I actually trying to make myself look attractive... for Justin? No, no, no... definately not. I just like feeling pretty... that's all... right? Yeah, that's all it is... I think._

She shook her head quickly, dislodging her current thought process so she could finish. When she was done she rifled through her drawers and closet trying to find an outfit that she thought he'd like... _Jesus, I'm doing it again! What the hell? Stop, Alex, focus... just pick something comfortable... Ooo, like those tight blue sweatpants that makes my ass look soooo good. Oh! And that- Damn It! _

She grabbed the closest t-shirt, gave it a sniff, decided it was probably clean enough, and hurriedly threw it on, paying no attention to the fact that it was on in-side-out. Her own thoughs had begun to frustrate her and she couldn't help but wonder if this is how it started for him. She looked at herself one last time in the mirror, fixed her hair so it looked just right, _Double Damn!,_ took a deep breath to calm herself, and walked into his room.

He looked just like he did a few days ago, only, there was something different this time. He seemed... weaker, if that was possible, and the sight of her big brother like this broke her heart. He sat on the floor, leaning against the foot of his bed, knees pulled to his chin, resting his head on his arms. He didn't bother looking up at her because he knew the ache that would follow might just drive him over the balcony he's been so hesitant about only a few days ago.

Alex remained silent for a few moments staring at Justin before letting out a loud sigh and moving to the floor to sit next to him. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it as he began to talk. "Just say it, Alex. Call me disgusting, call me a freak, tell me you hate me, tell me to stay out of your life... just say it... I can't... I can't take it anymore." She didn't speak as he raised his head to meet her eyes with his. They were red and swollen and she knew he'd been crying, but by the looks of it, he'd stopped some time ago... dehydration maybe, she thought to her self.

She smiled at him sweetly and laid her head on his shoulder while wrapping her arm around his. "Justin, I could never hate you. You're too important to me. And I couldn't imagine my life without you in it." He smiled for the first time in months as he rested his head on top of hers. Maybe this won't be as bad as he thought. "I've had some time to think about... things, and I have decided to help you however I can."

"Really, Alex?" She could hear the hope returning to his voice as he spoke and they slowly raised their heads off of one another to look into each other's eyes. "Yes, Justin, really. Remember when I said that I'd do anything to help you?" He nodded. "Well, I wasn't lying. I meant it. Whatever you need, I'm here for you."

She watched the excitement build behind his eyes and his smile grow wider. "Oh, God, Alex! Thank you so, so much! You have no idea how much that means to me!" He said happily but was quickly followed by a more somber tone, "I was so worried that you'd hate me... or... worse..." He quickly shook his head to bring back the happiness and hope he felt earlier as Alex chucked at him. "Here... wait, hang on." He jumped up and ran to his closet flinging books out onto the floor before turning around to pick up several as he hurried back to Alex who stared at him in bewilderment.

"These-" he said as he knelt in front of her, pointing at the books in his hand, "are some spell books I've found that can alter memories and emotions, but I haven't had time to go through them all yet... and since you offered to help-"

"Read... You want me to read! Justin, have you ever even _met _me? Pfft, I don't read."

"Alex," he grunted, "I know you hate reading, but this is really important. If you're not a full wizard..." he trailed off, letting out an weary sigh, "some of these spells are really dangerous."

"Well, then, if they're so dangerous, why risk it?" Alex said.

She saw the desperation beginning to return to his eyes and the hope fade from his voice because she knew he was thinking that she wasn't going to make the effort like she rarely did in the past as he choked out, "I can't just... It's not... I..."

She doesn't know why she did it. Maybe it was the pain in his eyes or the pleading desperation in his voice but before he could finish his thought, she pushed herself up to her knees and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck placing a soft, slow kiss on his lips before resting her head on his shoulder. "Make love to me." she whispered in his ear.

His body was stiff to the point where he was afraid to move for fear of shattering. His mind was racing, elated at hearing those words. Did she feel the same way? Did she want this as much as he did? He was overwhelmed with happiness and joy at the thought of the two of them being together like he'd wanted, dreamed, needed for so long. He finally found the nerve to move as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

Her mind was racing just as fast as his was. _Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God! What did I just do? What did I just SAY? I just kissed my brother... and asked, no, TOLD him to have sex with me. What if he says 'yes'? Oh, God, what if he says 'no'? Wait, what? Do I really want this? Have I always wanted this? Am I really in lo-_

She was shaken from her thoughts as she felt him gently place his warm, strong hands on her shoulders and push her back slightly to look in her eyes. She was still confused, still conflicted about her feelings, and it showed. As he gazed into her soft brown orbs he saw the emotions she was confronting, struggling to deal with. And as he stared into them, he misread the feelings he thought he saw there as her words entered his mind. _I love you... I'll do anything to help you... _and that's when his heart sank. He knew what he was to her... just a brother, always just a brother. Something you had to put up with no matter what. Something, that when broken, you needed to mend. No matter what.

"I cant'..." he sighed heavily, "I can't let you do that... not for me." He let go of her shoulders and slowly started to back away. "We can't." he finished softly.

She stared back at him, rejection stinging in her heart. "Why not?" she asked quietly. "If this will help you, then why not?" her voice laced with more disappointment than she had anticipated. When he refused to speak, determination grew within her as she reached forward grabbing his wrists and pulling them both to their feet. "Listen, Justin, just hear me out... Let's... um... _do it... _just once, then you'll see if these feeling you have for me are real." He squinted his eyes at her and cocked his head slightly to the side but remained quiet, trying to figure out what was happening around him and he couldn't help but wonder if this is how Max feels all time.

"What?" she asked at seeing his confused expression. "Ok, so I've never done _it _before, but it can't be that hard to figure out. Just once. Please?" The pleading in her voice struck him but he still couldn't believe what she was asking of him... of _them _but he knew it had to stop.

"Alex," he pleaded, "did you even think this through... did you even..." Then a realization hit him. "Wait. You're winging this aren't you?" She shrugged and looked down at her shoes. He sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he began pacing back and forth in front of her. "Did you even think about what this will do to you? Did you think about what would happen to us, to our family? What about the future? What happens in a few years, or month, or days, or even hours, when you realize that you just lost your _virginity _to your _brother?"_ He stopped pacing when he realized he'd been rambling at an almost unintelligible pace. He looked at her and sighed. "What happens when you start to regret..." He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"Justin, you know I don't do regret." He let out a barely audible and irritated 'ugh' at those words then drew a quick breath as she stepped closer to him. "Just once, Justin, and we can go back to normal, we can-" she said but her voice lost its forcefulness "we can be us again." Did she really want to back? Back to the secret pining, stolen glances, lingering hugs...

He could feel his frustration building... why couldn't she see the implications of what she was saying?... couldn't she see that her logic made no sense? "Alex, we can't." He said sternly. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again when he continued. His voice was weak again, "What if... what if once isn't enough?" he said, hanging his head, "What if one time..." He stopped talking just long enough to gaze into her eyes and allowed her to see how much this was killing him. His eyes were beginning to redden and tears threatened to flow once again.

Alex smiled at him and shrugged. "Then... we'll just have to have sex lots of times." _God, what am I saying? Why am I fighting so hard for this? I am still just trying to help him, right? Fuck it, let's find out._ She grabbed Justin by the hand, interlacing her fingers with his and led him to the bed. He had gone rigid again so it took some effort to pull him over and get him to sit down on his bed. She hadn't been expecting him to speak so she was surprised when he blurted out, "I think I've found two options that could help me..."

She stared at him in slack-jawed confusion, thinking that they had silently agreed on an 'option'. "...but... I don't think you're going to like them." he finished. _What could he be talking about? What did this mean? What was he thinking? Does this mean that he doesn't want me?_ She battled with her own thoughts for a second but in the end, curiousity won out. "What, Why?"

He knew where this encounter was heading and as much as he wanted it, he knew he couldn't ruin her life, and as much as it pained him, he had to stop it. He thought that the only reason that she was offering herself up to him was that she wanted her brother back, and he knew that this would damage her psyche... permanently, and he couldn't live with that. So he did the only thing he could think of... He laid out the only two options he had come up with of over two months. He took a deep breath, "Because I don't like them." She squeezed his hand gently in encouragement, "Justin?"

"Option one... um, remember when you came to get me for dinner a few days ago? " He looked wearly into his sister's eyes and saw the confusion that had set in... Of course she'd forgotten something so trivial. "When I was... out on my balcony?"

"Yeah, Justin but..." she stopped immediately when she saw the tears begin spilling over his eyelids. Her eyes began to widen when she remebered the scene and began to realize what he was talking about. The sadness, and confusion, and dare she say lust, for her brother was suddenly replaced by a blinding, white-hot fury. She lashed out, striking him as hard as she could with an open palm to his face causing him to cry out in pain.

He jumped up from the bed pushing his hands to either side of his nose as if praying for it not to bleed. But it didn't work. Small droplets of blood began to drip from his right nostril onto his hand. "Alex, what the hell!" he shouted, blinking back the watering in his eyes. "Seriously, Justin? SERIOUSLY?" She stood up, anger still coursing through her veins. "You son of a bitch, how dare you..." her rage quickly dissipated only to be replace with overwhelming sorrow. "How could you... even think... about..." she choked out between sobs as she ran to him, burying her face in his chest, pounding on him furiously with balled up fists until she felt his arms wrap protectively around her.

He allowed her to vent, holding her tightly while gently stroking her hair to calm her. "You can't kill y- You just can't... Please?" Her hands were balled in fists, clutching the cloth of his shirt on his back, squeezing him with all she had. "I couldn't live with myself if you did that. Please, Justin." Her voice was so small and child-like as she pleaded with her brother not to take his own life and he had never felt so horrible. Never in his life had he seen her so emotionally devistated. She felt him rest his head on hers and the warm dampness of his tears as he choked out "I'm sorry" over and over.

Several minutes passed in each other's embrace, neither wanting to leave the security of the other's arms. Finally, the sobs came to an end and they stood there, wrapped around each other in comfortble silence until Justin, against his better judgement, decided to break it.

He had felt her grip on him begin to loosen and assumed this was as good of a time as any. "Option two..." She immediately stiffened again and began furiously shaking her head 'no' while still pressed to his chest. He tightened his grip on her slightly before trying again. "Option two is... I pack my bags and leave. Just get away before I do something we'll both regret." he sniffled.

He heard her cry out, muffled by his chest. "Justin, please... don't you get it? No matter which choice you make... I still lose you. Don't do this to me."

"I know. I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't want this, any of this. That's why I've been pouring over those books... looking for a third option." She tried to speak, tried to reason with him, but she wasn't sure what to say. "Justin, please..."

"No, Alex," he said, pulling himself away from her to look into her eyes, "I know you just want to help, but not like this. Not your way."

"I want this, Justin. I want _you._" she stated firmly. "I want you to-" "Stay..." he finished for her, assuming he knew what she was thinking, but he was wrong. "I know, Alex. But I can't unless I find a way to fix this... to fix _me." _

He quickly exited his room and left her standing there alone, crying, and holding her arms around herself, gently rocking back and forth, trying to find some semblance of the comfort Justin had provided only a short time ago.

Another three days passed...

She hasn't seen him since he rejected her, and not for lack of trying. She had practically moved in. She slept in his bed, if you can call it sleep, anxiously waiting for him to return, her mind replaying the events of three nights ago in her mind. _Why was I throwing myself at him like that? All I wanted was for him not to leave me, to just stay here and be with me. We could've made it work. Wait, make what work? I know I should've been relieved that he turned me down, but then why did it hurt so much? It's not like... No. I mean, I love him, but... is THAT why? _ _Am I __in love__ with him... _

Suddenly, it all clicked into place. The reason that neither of them could maintain a relationship, the reason they always seemed to gravitate to each other above anyone else, the reason why that night had been so hard on both of them... They were in love with each other. That realization hit her like a freight train. She leapt from his bed to begin her frantic search. She needed to find him and tell him what she had finally figured out. She wanted to plead with him to accept their feelings for each other and to give their relationship a chance.

She raced out of his room and down the stairs desperately searching for him before he did something stupid like enact either of his two 'options'. That thought made her shudder, but she quickly shook it from her head and made her way down the second flight of the spiral staircase to the only other place he might be... the Lair.

She flung open the door with all her might ignoring the clatter of dishes and cups sent hurtling towards the floor as she ran inside... and that's where she found him, sitting on the longest couch in the lair. His eyes were hollow, he hasn't slept in three days, his cheeks were stained by a trail of dried tears, he'd been crying, and there was an old book splayed across his lap. She ran up to him, a huge smile on her face. She was determined to make it work... to make _them _work. But before she could even plop herself down beside he spoke.

His voice was as hollow as his eyes were but he pushed on, "I've found my third option."

She sat down beside him, as close as she could be without actually being on top of him, seeming to ignore what he'd just said. "Justin, that's why I'm here." she said happily. "I've been thinking and what I've figured out is that you don't have to do this..." she said, pointing at the book in his lap, "whatever, _this_ is, because... I... I'm in love with you too!" she blurted out excitedly.

When he didn't look at her, when he didn't even move, when he barely acknowledged her presence, she began to worry. "Justin?"

He gently slid the book into her lap and pointed to the page at the spell he'd selected. She furrowed her brow in confusion as she followed the contour of his arm down to his outstreched finger. "The Cerebelum Erasus spell? Justin, that's only good for like..." she cocked her head to the side trying to remember what their father had tought her, "erasing a few minutes, right?" She shook her head and let out a huff, "Besides, I already told you that it doesn't matter anymore because-"

"It's a variant of the Cerebelum Erasus spell. It allows the caster to specify who, what, when, or where they want to forget... or... erase a memory entirely... 'Totallis', they call it." He didn't look at her, but he could feel the daggers she was glaring at him.

She grabbed the side of face farthest from her and turned his head to look at her. "Did you even _hear _what I just said to you? Justin, I love you... just like you love me." She watched as he nodded slowly. "Then why won't you-"

"Because, Alex, as much as want to believe you, as much as I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as my friend, my lover, my wife... I can't believe you." He let out a soft chuckle, "Do you know how may times you've manipulated me to get something you want?" She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him how stupid he was being but he cut her off again. "I know you're afraid of losing your brother, and you were the one who said you'd do anything to help me... I just didn't think you'd take it this far."

She felt tears threaten her eyes as she thought about all the times she'd lied to him, twisted his words to make her idea seem like his idea so he'd help her, or blackmailed him into doing what she wanted, and although she wasn't surprised has his hesitance, she was shocked that he didn't believe such a whole hearted and truthful confession... especially about something this serious.

"Please, Justin." she choked out, "please believe me." He swallowed hard and looked away from her. She felt the sudden urge to hit him again to try to shake him out this stubborn trance he seemed to have put himself into. "Justin, what's it going to take to prove it to you? I've tried to _show _you, but you pushed me away, and now I'm here telling you that I'm IN LOVE WITH YOU, and you won't believe me!" she barely manage to choke back the sob that threatened to crack her voice.

"I'm sorry, Alex, I'm so, so sorry." She noticed the silent tear slipping from his eye when it happened... Her eyes shot wide open and excitement rushed through her body. _Mason's necklace! Why didn't I think about this earlier? _ "Justin!" She exclaimed it so loudly and suddenly that it made both of them jump. "What if I can _prove _it to you? What if I can _prove _to you how much I love you? She watched him intently, expectantly, waiting for some sign of understanding. She thought she saw him slowly nod his head and that was her cue.

"Ok! Just wait here... no... that's not... just wait! OK? Don't do anything until I get back, Please!" He slowly nodded again and with that she was off, sprinting faster that she has ever moved before. But he was still doubtful. He thought that there was no way she would ever love him. His mind was so clouded with fear,sorrow, remorse, and now even more guilt at having drawn his little sister into his sick world, having her 'fake' her feelings in order to keep him around... if only he'd known, if only he'd listened to her, he wouldn't have done it. But his head was foggy, he could barely remember the spell, even though he'd read only moments ago, and he knew this was for the best.

Alex sprinted out of the lair and up the first flight of stairs. She was already breathing heavily already as she rounded the corner and began up the second flight. _Please, Justin, just wait... don't do the spell... Just wait. _ But he didn't wait, he couldn't wait any longer. He didn't want her involved in this, he knew this, but his mind was so jumbled, he was worried about messing up the spell so he spoke as slowly and clearly as he could:

He removed his wand and followed the motions laid out the the book as he started the incantation... "_Justin..."_

She bounded up the second flight of stairs, taking two at a time, desperate to make it to her room.

"_Russo..._"

She came crashing through her door with a loud bang and looked around for the most likely place she may have thrown the necklace. "The closet!" she shouted she quickly made her way to it. She flung the doors open and began to dig through the piles of clothes, throwing the offending garments over her shoulder. "Where is it? Where is it!" she screamed at the empty closet floor. _Wait, Justin. Just wait. I'll find it. We can be together, just wait!_

_"Cerebelum..." _

She whirled around, growling in frustration, ready to break down, when a glimmer caught her eye from underneath her bed. "That's it!" "I Found It!" she shouted, hoping he'd hear it. She grabbed the necklace and hurried out of her room. Her legs were growing weak but she pushed them forward with everything she had left and began her descent down the stair case to the living room. But, he didn't hear it, not from two floors up.

"_Erasus..._"

She grabbed the banister and flung herself around as she cleared the bottom step and bounded down the flight of stairs leading to the family diner, shouting 'I found it', 'Justin, wait', and 'Please', the whole way down. She'd never been more worried. This could be her one chance at being truly happy, her once chance to be with the man of her dreams... her one true love and she couldn't miss it... she wouldn't. She cleared the bottom step and continued her sprint towards the lair. Her eyes grew wide in horror when she saw a bright bluish-white light emanating from the still open door. She shouted at the top of her lungs, "NO, JUSTIN, NO!"

Justin, waived his wand around, blinded by the light shining from its tip, wishing his life could've been different, wishing that the woman he was in love with would love him back. But it couldn't be, it could never be, and he knew it. The wand's motion ended with the tip of the wand pointed at his own temple, and as a single tear slid down his cheek, he finally breathed out, _"Totallis..."_

Alex came barreling through the door, the necklace clenched tightly in her hand, breathing so hard her lungs felt as if they were on fire. She watched the light fade from his wand as he slowly lowered it to his side looking at it with confusion strewn across his face. "No, no, no, no, please, no!" She hurried to him, her legs finally giving out as she dropped to her knees direcly in front of him. Her body was wracked with exhaustion and sorrow. She began weeping, sucking in deep breaths as she sobbed, feeling as if she may suffocate, furiously shaking her head.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally felt her breath returning and she placed the necklace into his hands. She gave Justin a weak smile as she took hold of his wrists, and guided his hands over her head, placing the necklace on herself.

He stared into her deep brown eyes and for some reason he felt his heart breaking when he saw the tears still streaming down her face. He looked down and picked up the beautiful jewel dangling around her neck, absent mindedly tracing his thumb back and forth across its surface before returning his eyes to hers.

"Who are you?" and as he glanced back at the jewel in his hand, he had one final question, "And why is your necklace glowing?"

"Justin..." she breathed out, eyes red and swollen, her body now shaking. She wanted to try to tell him everything to make him remember, remember that he loved her, remember that she loved him... But it was too late.

He'd found his way out.

.

.

.

Ok, that's it... Peace Out.


End file.
